Okay, I created this blog because I want everything to be about me, since in real life nothing is.
Here is a brief rundown:
- I am a busy woman, but not busy enough that I don’t have time to savor “O” Magazine or one of the mostly lame shows on OWN on a daily basis. I try never to write a post that doesn’t include Oprah because she is currently unaware that we are soul mates born 30 years apart. I’m trying to change that.
- I am married, but when it comes to my blog my husband would prefer to be He Who Must Not Be Named, but HWMNBN is too long of an acronym, so he will be referred to as “BD” for baby daddy.
- I am mother of three children. Two boys who are 7 and 4 and currently kicking each other (no really, whenever you read this, they are kicking each other) and a
surprise packagedaughter who just turned 1.
- I have a 9 year old dog too. BD thinks she isn’t the only bitch in the house.
- I live in the suburbs. I used to live in the city of Chicago. Red wine helps me cope with this fact.
- I do not own a minivan but I do have a huge ass gas-guzzling GMC truck to cart around my brood so I can tell myself I’m still cool. But it doesn’t work all the time.
- I hate to cook and clean. I hate crafts. I am the antithesis of Martha Stewart, even her bad ass prison self.
- I work at a fucking cool company that does stuff on the Internet. I’m digging the Silicon Valley vibe, Chicago style.
- I have two Masters degrees. I wish I could have hid in grad school for the rest of my life, but sadly both kids and school cost money so I need to use those three letters behind my name to rake in cash to pay for the Pottery Barn Kids lifestyle I’m expected to provide (though I should note, I hate Pottery Barn Kids).
- Gratuitous swearing makes me immeasurably happy. You will find much of it in my writing.
- The things I write about are based 100% on true experiences/thoughts/feelings. But I’m not very anal about details, especially if exaggeration makes the story even better. So sometimes I take liberties with the truth. In other words, I will never have to cop to any of this stuff in real life if it doesn’t suit me to do so. I’m an artist, not a fact checker. Yes, Oprah – I’m kind of James Frey mixed with a whole lot o’ Gayle.
- I am highly opinionated and I tend to show great disrespect those who do not agree with me, especially when intoxicated, or so says BD when I can’t remember the next morning. Apparently most drunken debates I have end with me screaching, “SERIOUSLY?! Are you fucking nuts!?” and most sober ones end with me thinking it. That kind of undermines the whole spirit of debate, as well as whatever point I was trying to make. So, since nobody in real life will talk to me anymore I plan to regale you, the Internet people with weird fake names, with all my daily musings.
If you feel compelled to have a private conversation or contact me outside of public comments, I can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks for stopping by.