Dude. I’m back, but my life is in critical condition.

OMG. I know. I’m back. But only for a post. How the hell have you all been?

So here is the thing – I started the new job and got knocked up with kid #3 at the same time.  Then I sold my house in the city and now I’m moving to the suburbs, where everybody is white and Republican, I think. Which means that I might die. I mean, I have nothing against white people, since I am one and if I were a bigger person I would claim I have nothing against Fox-watching, Glenn Beck-loving Republicans, but then I would be lying.

My husband, 2.5 kids, dog and I are moving in with my parents in 4 days because we can’t find a house we like and then I have to buy a minivan and did I tell you I’m having a GIRL? I know. I don’t know shit about girls, except that when they are in junior high they suck.  My mom gave me a pink baby dress and it came with tights that had ruffles on the butt. Really? It just seems kind of superfluous. I would never wear tights with ruffles on the butt. Why would I make her wear them? Oh God. What if she loves them?

And during all of this change and hardship, I have not been able to drink a half bottle of wine whenever the mood strikes and its Oprah’s last season and it has totally sucked ass so far.  So I guess what I’m saying is that my life has been crazy and not in a good way. It continues to get weirder.

But  on the bright side,  my gays and I had a heart to heart today, they made me realize that these experiences will make my blog a million times better when I come back to it again, because I will be living in hell very shortly and I’ll be forced to blog everyday to keep myself from crying. They are taking me to SATC II with them tomorrow night because they feel so bad for me. It will be my last hurrah before the apocalypse of my life.  I love you D & J.

So I don’t know when I’ll be regular again, but thanks for keeping the faith and sending words of encouragement. I’m about to enter the realm of soccer moms and people who think our president is somehow like Hitler and drive minivans for fun and think the city is just a place to get their purses stolen.  I just hope I make it out alive.

I’ll check back in soon. I hope. Unless I’m busy dousing the burning crosses I might find in my parents lawn because of the Obama sticker I have on my car. Wish me luck. And be well. I have really missed you guys!

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8 responses to “Dude. I’m back, but my life is in critical condition.

  1. Wow, seriously? You might as well come right out and say that the suburbs are fundamentalist hillbilly hell. I realize that you are entitled to your opinion but, c’mon, some tact would be nice. Republicans are people just like you. A lot of them are really nice. (kay, I am a bit biased here, being republican myself) An Obama sticker on your car may get you the occasional odd look, as would going camping in a teepee, but you really shouldn’t freak out. The suburbs are filled with people for a reason, it’s NICE.
    I kind of like your blog, your quirks and odd sense of humor make for great reading, but perhaps a bit of deep breathing would keep you from posting half-crazy stuff like this. You don’t need alcohol to calm down. Try listening to music, it can really boost your mood. Or some kind of tragic movie (Titanic, maybe?) could also give you some perspective. I know a good dose of seeing other people whose lives suck way more than mine helps me feel better.

    From Love – I always get myself in trouble when I talk about Republicans. I know that they are nice people too, but my own craziness keeps me from being tolerant. If it makes anyone feel better, I’m mostly intolerant of Democrats too. 🙂

    After I vented last night, I decided I should blog about all the good stuff too, because hey – like you say – you read enough blogs and I don’t have problems compared to a lot of people out there. So I get that too. I’ll take my “problems” over a lot of other people’s any day of the week. But I’m still not jumping for joy about minivans and living with my parents.

  2. No, no, don’t start deep breathing and only posting bland blah stuff. Please don’t. Dang, if you can’t rant like a nutball in your own damn blog, what’s forever for?

    We’re hoping to move soon, and like you we will definitely be going from diverse to . . . not so diverse. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Can’t wait to hear how it goes for you.

    From Love – Thanks. Yeah, after I wrote it I thought there might be a brightside – like free parking wherever you go. That will be good. I’ll check out your blog too – I’ll need a guide map!

  3. I’ve missed you too!

    Oh man, a minivan? I half expected to read further about how Sarah Palin did a book signing in your local bookstore, where you valiantly fought off her dedicated fans with a sawed-off shotgun in order to get a quick picture of you two giving each other high fives and discussing how atrocious it is that representatives are actually considering allowing women to have a choice over their own bodies.

    I’m glad you’re still you…can’t wait to hear all about it!

    From Love – Oh Miki. Thanks, Lady. I LOVE your stories. You always keep it real and for that, I’m so grateful. BTW – I think Sarah Palin probably did stop there for a book signing, but her die hard fans usually tote guns as a rule, since you never know when you’ll see a wolf you need to shoot from a helicopter, so I’d be very mismatched.

  4. Having you back brings such joy to my heart Love! I’ll need your blog for inspiration as I begin my new career/job search….

  5. Minivans suck and I am so tired of mine. That being said you can put so much stuff in them, including 5 kids or 3 kids, a dog and a little extra room for whoever might be around…not always a bonus. I really want to get rid of mine, but that is on the back burner for now. 😦

    I totally feel your pain with moving to an mostly monochrome town. I went through complete culture shock from the city and my city was tiny compared with Chicago. It was horrible not seeing cultural diversity. It took me a while to get over my shock and realize that there was more diversity than I originally thought. It is not as obvious as a city, but it does exist.

    I am not crazy about republicans and my husband is one, when he starts to talk he sounds knowlegeable enough, but not much of what he says seems logical. I quickly ask him to stop talking, because my democratic opinions do not seem to matter much to him. Not a fun conversation.

    Not sure if you know this, but David and I moved back in with mom and dad for 2 months while I was pregnant with David. It was horrible. I wasn’t allowed to make any phone calls that lasted more than 5 minutes and was actually yelled at if I did. I was 29! My mom thought it was great that David got a cooked meal every night…cooked by her, and wasn’t to thrilled to find out that I don’t do most of the cooking. I needed to get out fast and we hadn’t made any progress on a home to buy. It was the end of September and I was determined to be out before Thanksgiving. I searched relentlessly, found a small 2 bedroom ranch that we could afford..well not exactly, but it didn’t have weeds growing out of the gutters like most of the homes I had been looking at in my price range. We moved out November 18th, 1999. I was in heaven and had survived.m 🙂

    I say all this because I know you guys are going to be fine and everything is working out the way it is supposed to. This may not feel like a fun path right now, but this is the path that is going to lead you guys to where you need to be…keep thinking happy thoughts! I took a sneak peek at the home you are looking at and it’s beautiful. You’ll be in my thoughts until the deal is done. Can’t wait to see you in July! Give a great big hug to my awesome nephews. xoxoxo

  6. please don’t start posting boring, sweet, life is all roses crap! i love ur blog…& ur realness…& ur dislike of republicans! ;0) my dad HATES my Obama sticker…so i went out & got a “Tree Hugger” one just to piss him off too! ;0)

  7. ps. congrats on the girl! i won’t lie – boys are way easier! but there’s nothing like that mama/daughter bond…plus, the world needs another Love ;0)

  8. Why did you take away your email address? I cannot adequately stalk you now. I know you had your baby by now, so I need you to come back to Blog Land and tell me about it. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease. And congratulations!!!

    From Love – Belle – thanks for the love! Okay, so I’ve been gone for almost a year now but I have collected some priceless gems of stories that I keep promising I will write again. The mild depression/stupor that I was in throughout my entire pregnancy has lifted since the birth of my daughter last month, though all the pink stuff and extra laundry in my house is threatening to bring it all on again.

    Maybe we should make a pact – you guys have to post at least once a week and so do I. That might get the juices flowing once again. I was forlorn when I didn’t know what happened with Nel’s baby. Thank Baby Jesus that everything went okay (well, I assume. I still await part 3…).
    In the meantime, you of all people know where you can find me… 😉

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