The time I took a fun-filled cruise to Haiti

Okay so this particular event has not occurred yet.

But it’s about to. Next week.

I know.



I swear to you this is true because I wouldn’t even make up something this perverse if it wasn’t. We’re going on a cruise to Jamaica and Haiti next week.  Haiti. Yeah, let it sink in —  Haiti.

But in my defense, I thought we were going to a luxurious “private island”, which is what they call it in the itinerary.  So the cruise line was trying to trick me and they totally did and then I bought the tickets and then my husband decided get all Christopher Columbus and wanted to know exactly where the “private island” was that we are sailing to. Yeah.  It’s Haiti.

But just so we’re all clear and I’m not throwing the esteemed cruise line under the bus, it isn’t the part of Haiti that is totally devastated.  It’s another part. The part where you’re apparently not supposed to think about death and destruction and destitution.  It’s the part where you can order lots of mai-tais and take pictures with parrots on your shoulder and have TONS o’ fun and fantasize about building a cute little compound right on the beach one day. And recommend it to all your family members. And the Internet.


Oh, I have so many jokes about how ridiculous this is, but I also have a heart and if I told them all I would feel bad about myself as a human being, perhaps even more than I do now for paying to go to Haiti next week on my one single romantic vacation with my man that we take away from our children every year.  And probably the last one we’ll ever taken given that three kids may get us officially kicked out of the grandparents babysitting club.

But anyway,  I wonder what excursions we’ll have to choose from? — STOP, Love. You promised.

Okay,  I said I wasn’t going to tell jokes. So I’m not. But you’re allowed to. But I mean, really?

Okay, so I’ll be gone for a while.  But I’ll write again when I get back from fucking Haiti.

Have a banner week!

8 responses to “The time I took a fun-filled cruise to Haiti

  1. Holy crap, I can’t wait to hear about your trip!

  2. OMG… can’t wait to hear about it!

    Congratulations on #3!

  3. ah, the joys of finding sitters for 3 kiddos…hard enuff 2 do just for an evening…for an overnight or ~gasp~ a weekend?! fageddaboutit!

    have fun on ur trip! maybe a little awkward fun…but u’ll be on a cruise/beach…u’re bound 2 have a good time…devastation or not ;0)

  4. Talk to me...I'm your Mother

    I’m sure you made it back…but I hope you REALLY come back soon. You are greatly missed in the blogging world! Thinking of you.

    From Love – Thank you for your kindness. I hope to be back soon too. Not from Haiti – we’re back from there – just back from this insanity that has been my life for a couple of months. This too shall pass….

  5. LOVE! I really miss you a lot. And I am sure that I speak for Belle, too. Shoot us an update and let us know how everything is!

    From Love – Even BD is still checking my blog and he warned me that I better check in. I saw that you have recommitted and therefore, perhaps it will give me the inspiration I need to start up again too. Being pregnant ruins everything. Hopefully once this child is sprung from my loins (Labor Day weekend) I will have some of my brain back. Or maybe it will be even worse. God I hope not.

    I am, however, encouraged by my malaise in writing because I think every great writer goes through a time when they are full of self-doubt or writers block or they feel like putting their head in an oven. So I kind of feel like a maybe I am a really am bona fide writer, because I mean, who has ever heard of a writer or a comedian who isn’t melancholy and depressed in real life? Okay, so I’m a long way from being a legend, but that is my excuse and I’m sticking to it. I’ll be back for sure because on the Oprah I watched tonight, I’m supposed to stick to what I love doing and I love blogging, so maybe I’ll find my way back after my brain is no longer being held hostage by my hormones.

    Oh, and one more thing…those pregnancy dreams are back. So that’s something good happening these days… 🙂

    When is your baby coming?

  6. I was on a cruise once who sailed to “our own private beach” in Haiti. Now first, the concept of private is already iffy when we are talking about a 5,000 passenger cruise ship.

    Don’t stress about it though- you are unlikely to come face to face with anyone not in the tourism industry.

  7. Remember when you told us you were going on a cruise to Haiti, which promised awesome stories, and you came back with nothing? And then nothing for like a year. All I’m sayin’ Love, is that pregnant people can still type. As evidence by Nel’s prolific blogging as of late. Come back.

    From Love – Belle, I love you guys. Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll be back. I just don’t know when. But I swear I’ll be back. In full swing. I just have to sort out my real life. It’s taking me a lot longer than I anticipated. But I’m eagerly awaiting your niece’s arrival – that blog will be like the Office episode when Pam and Jim had their kid, but better. WAAAAAY better.

  8. Okay. I just found your blog on the BlogHer network, and I couldn’t stop reading.

    You. Are. So. Funny. I mean, seriously. Seriously.

    So, because you have a brand-new reader who can’t get enough, you’re pretty much required to start writing again immediately and never, ever stop.

    That is, if your “real life” will allow. So hurry!

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