The gods must be crazy…

Okay. So I’m back. Hopefully for good, but you know I’ve found out that god has a sense of humor recently, so you never know.

So where have I been? What have I been doing?

Remember all my posts that detail what a good mother I am? Like the one about how I didn’t breastfeed and the one about how I feed my kids McDonalds once a week and how my two year old feels me up in Target?

And then remember how I had that really mind bending post entitled, “Hellz Yaz” about whether its better to have huge puss-filled zits all over my chin or have a sex drive? And everyone voted that I remain a sex kitten with zits? And my big-boobed sister warned me that natural family planning was a very bad idea?

And then remember when I told you the story about when I had to tell Professor Bourbon I was pregnant after they let me into the PhD program?

Do you see where this is going? Yeah. Surprise!! I’m preggers. Not really what I was planning for 2010, or 2011 – 2050.  And my angel didn’t even have the balls to warn me this time. The news hit right after New Years Day (same day I got my new job offer, so my new boss got to be the second to know) and I don’t think I’ve been quite the same since. I can’t figure out whether the nausea is from the pregnancy hormones or the idea that the gods thought it would be a good idea to put another human on this earth who has me for its mother. When I found out, BD was so worried about my mental state (probably because he’d never seen anybody catatonic before) he promised to stay sober with me this whole pregnancy, which is awesome. The other two times I was the designated driver and it was not awesome. It actually does make me feel better to know that I’m not the only one who will be suffering the next nine months, which I think is what makes BD love me so much.

So I won’t lie – the change of plans has had me in a tail spin for the last two months, which I probably could have recovered from in a week if wine could have been involved, but without alcohol, and with nausea and a new job and exhaustion, I could sum up my life perfectly in one non-word: “meh”. Which is why you haven’t heard from me. The juice has been gone.

However…the good news is that I’m over it now. I’m going to be a mother yet again, and red wine no longer calls to me during my long, sleepless nights and now I have a third chance to make a first impression. Maybe I’ll try breastfeeding this time. Or maybe I’ll freak out and change my mind a month before like I did the last time. No promises there.

And maybe this kid will be the one who winds up changing my diapers when I’m 92 and I’ll be like “Oh, now I get it, God. You’re the best!” And lets not forget about the nightly “happiness” I have to look forward to in the coming months. This time I will make buying porn a part of the getting ready for baby checklist, just so we don’t have to go through the histrionics of yesteryear.

So I’m psyched. I didn’t think we’d have any more kids but now that it has been determined that we will indeed, I’m stoked. And I haven’t seen an episode of Oprah in two months, and its given me a strength I didn’t know I had. I think I might be okay when she stops the show now. I think I might survive. And that goes for everything – the pregnancy, the delivery, the new job, the new house we’ll have to buy and even the…GULP…minivan? (okay, that last one was really hard for me to say)

It’s a new world order.

Welcome back to my life. I’ve missed you guys.


10 responses to “The gods must be crazy…

  1. omg, congrats girl!!! i’m so happy 4 u! ♥
    yeah, i got the dreaded mini-van when i was preggers with my 3rd…but i totaled it last year & decided 2 go 4 the SUV this time! my kiddos r all old enuff that climbing in & out is a breeze, so i kicked the mama-van 2 the curb!
    welcome back…i know how crazy life must b 4 u right now, but i’m psyched 2 see more posts from u soon about ur prego journeys! ;0)

    From Love – Thanks Mama Skates!! I may have to go the SUV route – I’m afraid I’ll get a minivan and actually love it. And that would be bad, real bad (Michael Jackson) for my image… 🙂

  2. Congratulations on your pregnancy! My wife barely has morning sickness at all with this one…so far.

    You might find my blog interesting if you want an insight into how your partner is feeling at this time!

    All the best,


  3. DLKFJHSDLKFJSDLFJSDLJFSLKDJFLDSKJFKDVJDKFJSLJFSALKJF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry my fingers did that without permission. YAY. YAY. YAY.
    You should name the baby Belle. It’s only fair because you and Nel get to me pregnant together and I’m already left out. Repair the situation by naming it Belle – it’s totally unisex. And “knell”, pronounced Nel, means a funeral bell or omen of death. So… you probably don’t want that.

    From Love – You make a very good point about why it shouldn’t be ‘Knell’. I only have experience bearing boys, so I might screw it all up if it is a girl. I don’t know if you want your name dragged into that…but I guess if its a boy, why the hell not? People name boys Kerry and Carol all the time. Why not Belle?

  4. So proud of you getting back on the bandwagon of writing your blog! The third is the charm-let me tell you from experience. Mainly because God only gave us two hands and now you have to wrangle 3 children with two hands!

    Good luck!

    From Love – I’m sure my new baby will listen to everything I have to say and won’t need to be wrangled. I’m sure. Thanks, Holly!

  5. congrats again!! all i can say is that our advice to new parents (you know – the ones who are having #1 and look like deer in headlights) is “treat your first as if it were your third” – because our third is the best adjusted of the bunch and seeing the 3 of them hang out and play is really just miraculous and joyous!
    glad you’re back to the blog – and hopefully not feeling so “meh”

  6. Love! So happy you’re back – my life is complete now. Congratulations indeed :o) Looking forward to more great stories about all the exciting things happening!

    From Love – Thanks, dude!

  7. Oh btw – there are plenty of alternatives to minivans.

  8. Congrats! I am glad to hear you are adjusting to the news and getting excited for number 3. I have to tell you, I am obsessed with my minivan. It has been totally life changing- the automatic doors alone. DO IT!!!!!!!!

    From Love – Well, if I get a minivan, I’m going to drive that thing like its a Porsche and I’m a bat out of hell. Watch out.

  9. Congratulations!!! Wow… that is exciting!
    We have a minivan too, and I love it – agree, the auto sliding doors are HUGE!

  10. Talk to me...I'm your Mother

    Lordy, Lordy! I feel your pain and I feel your joy. I just remember when I was REALLY pregnant with my FOURTH (I wanted to move away so no one would know), walking down the street with one in the stroller, one on the back of the stroller, one holding my hand. A really well-groomed woman went by, looked down at her little girl and said, “Isn’t that pitiful?” I was!

    From Love – OMG! I’m sure you felt that way but for someone to say it…I would have run her down with the stroller! Thanks for the comment – coming from you it means a lot!!

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