Holy shit you guys. Not only does my job require getting my ass up an hour earlier, catching a train and walking to an office every morning where I sit in a cube that has my name on it – it also requires….work. The last five days were like five years. Office time is like dog years when stuff is actually expected of you and people want you to produce things in a time period that is actually challenging. No wonder Oprah has those bags under her eyes.
My new boss is a great guy, but he appears to have certain expectations of me that I feel obliged to live up to – at least at my first week on the job. He wants me to help him change the world (well, the world as it applies to my new little company) and I’m kind of like, “Yeah! Awesome! Let’s do it!” when I’m really thinking, “What the fuck am I doing here? Why.the.hell. am I in a suit?”. On the other hand, I have been very vocal about all things that I don’t like and he tends to agree with me so I think that is why he thinks of me as his brother in arms. Did I tell you this guy used to be a Green Beret? Yeah, I never thought me and a Green Beret could be friends, but he is teaching me his battle techniques and together we’re raising a shit storm.
There are two other people who have been with the company a couple of years that share my same job, except they just made this new role up, so my boss wants me to “show” them what needs to be done, because he thinks they are too comfortable and questions their fitness for the role. His take on this is not making me the popular new girl on the scene. Quite the opposite, I think they want to kick me in the face. And I get it. They’re all, “WTF? She is here 2 days and she is getting all the attention? (cough simultaneous with a “bullshit” under their breaths.” I have been nothing but really cool but apparently my Awesomenesss is very intimidating and really hard to play down sometimes.
So basically I haven’t been able to talk to anybody around the water cooler yet, which is probably good because I was too exhausted to watch American Idol or Project Runway. And I invited myself out to lunch with my 2 new friends that like me so much and are in an office gang clique I’m not privy to yet, which was kind of awkward. So right now I’m kind of a loner. I think maybe even the administrative assistant who runs the whole office even hates me. But maybe that will make me more mysterious and powerful. Or maybe a loser. I’m not sure how it will all play out. My only friend appears to be my new boss, but he doesn’t work in my office, so our friendly phone chats are all I have at this point. Well, and BD. Now we only work a few blocks from one another, so he takes me out to lunch so I’m not left alone at McDonalds wailing and gnashing my teeth over my #2 Value Meal.
So, all in all – the new job = AWESOME. I can’t think of a thing I would change. So give me a month or two before I’m feeling all the warm vibes I get from retelling ridiculous stories. I know I still owe you the story about the time the Seal look-alike (but even scarier) held me hostage in a cab. Hopefully the people at work will stop hating me and realizing that the mountains of joy I can bring through telling them all of the crazy shit that happens to me. Or maybe they’ll just become the crazy shit that happens to me, and then you guys will win by hearing what happens next.
But stay tuned because I have some stuff that needs to be revealed that kind of breaks the balance of the universe. I just need the time to do it justice.