The search for my tribe

This January I found myself back in the place I have perpetually been throughout my life, which is wandering around aimlessly, wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life and how I got to the place where I am and how that place where I am always feels like a place I’d like to leave – immediately.

You know why I love Oprah? Its not because of her fabulous hair or because everybody is afraid of her or because she gets to hang out with Obama all the time.  It’s because she doesn’t go two weeks on her show without doing a story about somebody who was nobody until they got inspired one day and then changed the world.  I live for those stories. Without believing in those stories I would have no hope that one day my life will abruptly and powerfully change and my angel will come to me and say “Love, lets do this.  3-6-34-51-52 and the Powerball is 22. I’ll let you know what God wants you to do with it, but in the meantime, why don’t you just go ahead and buy a beach house in Zihuatanejo, kay? You can run your new philanthropic foundation from there”. I mean, Oprah has me convinced that one day I’ll be minding my own business and ordering my Value Meal #2 at McDonalds and suddenly the heavens will open up and I’ll just “know” that the cook in the back is a genius orphan who is homeless and just needs a chance and I’ll adopt her and she’ll grow up to be the President and I’ll get to live in the White House and she’ll make me ambassador to Tahiti and life will be totally sweet because of my awesome inspiration to take her home with me on that fateful day I was quenching my insatiable hunger for a Quarter Pounder with cheese.  I could tell you about a million other scenarios I’ve feasted my mind on, but you get the point.  Nobody loves stories more than I do about ordinary people doing extraordinary things that make this world a cooler place to be because if I’m being honest, I really believe that one day I’ll get to be one of them.  When I hear those stories I don’t think, “Oh, thats really neat.” I think, “When is it going to be my turn?”

Which makes me really a different sort of person than the people I find myself surrounded by most of the time. I know this because I’ve taken every damn personality and motivation and self-discovery test this world has to offer in an attempt to find out why it seems like I can’t find anybody like me out there in the world.  And usually my results break the computer or they come back but it says something like, “ERROR- value unknown” or “Only 1% of the population is this type…” and when you read the description of a person that would get this score, it is usually brief because it commands a total loss for words to describe. I think the issue is two-fold: only three people have ever scored this combination and those three people are too strange to really describe. When you look at professions that are good for my personality type, you wind up with stuff like unicycle rider, psychic, manic-depressive and homeless.  What you don’t get is ‘efficient little cog in big corporate machine’, which is what I am, except for the efficient part.

On the other hand, the fact that there are a few people out there – that it is humanly possible to meet someone like me – gives me a lot of comfort.  There are so many days when I look around at the people I work with, or the parents at my kids’ school, or my neighbors, or whatever group and just think, “am I the only one thinking…(x,y,z)?” and I’m pretty sure I am.  And after awhile you start to feel weird and lonely because people look at you really funny when you tell them what you’re thinking. So I’ve learned to self-edit, especially when at work.  It is very unbecoming for a professional salesperson to say she could care less about the money and sometimes she tells her clients not to buy stuff from her, because she knows her competitor has a better widget.  These things are completely foreign concepts in the circles I travel in and they would likely get me fired or at least demoted. Some days I fantasize about getting fired. But then I cry inside knowing that if that happened, the bond between me and my favorite fabulous gay salesman Leonardo at Banana Republic might be broken forever.

So back in January I decided that I either had to go into therapy or get a life coach or I might go insane because I was born to change the world and so far all I’ve done is changed careers four times. And a lot of dirty diapers.

I thought if I went into therapy there was a good chance I might never get out, so I thought it was safest to try a life coach first. So I began the search for a life coach to tell me what I am supposed to do with my life and why I always feel like a fish out of water wherever I go.  You want to have a fun couple of weeks? Interview some life coaches.  Ones you find on the Internet and not through a referral because of course, you don’t associate with anybody who doesn’t double over laughing in amusement by the whole concept.

But it was awesome. Wow. Some life coaches have PhDs, or some sort of relevant training and some life coaches have an extra phone line and illusions of grandeur.  And honestly, a lot of the times you can’t tell which is which by talking to them.  Some are really great and some are train wrecks. But, to their credit, they are amusing train wrecks. Like the guy who I was interviewing that talked to me for a half hour about why he thinks his second wife left him. I had to interrupt him, “Hey, could I offer you some coaching? She just not that into you.”  After that moment of genius, it got me thinking that maybe I should be a life coach. I mean, if all you have to do to be a life coach is give people advice and help them solve their problems, then sign me up.  I clearly don’t have a great grasp of the world, but I know about people. I can read people. And like I said, my personality books tell me I’m well-suited to be a psychic as well. So who wouldn’t want a psychic life coach?  But, I’m an intellectual snob and as such, I can’t get behind waking up one day and calling myself a life coach.   So that is a whole other fun story, but the point is, I actually found a coaching situation in February and signed up for a year and it has, much to my delight and surprise, actually changed my life.

That said, the meaning of life hasn’t presented itself. And I’m still working for The Man. And a few months into it I was still feeling pretty alientated from the world.  My coach recommended that I do stuff that comes naturally to me, take inspired actions and go find my tribe.  She suggested that perhaps people in my tribe don’t hang out at my corporate entity.  Perhaps if I were really living the life I was born to live, it wouldn’t be as a corporate drone at a Fortune 100 company. It would be me, doing something else, surrounded by other people that teach and inspire and make me laugh everyday.

A concept I hadn’t thought of. One I wasn’t sure existed.

So what did I do after my third glass of wine one night? I started this blog.  People in real life laugh at my stories. And it turns out that when I’m at my best, I’m entertaining people with my stories, but they aren’t always of the ilk that are appreciated around the water cooler at work, or at dinner parties with parents from my kid’s school. So I decided to hell with it – what if I just wrote all my stories down and didn’t worry about what my coworkers or family or the world in general thought about it, and then maybe my tribe would find me. Maybe people who “get” me will enjoy what I write, and start reading it and I will have a community of people who I can entertain and who I “get” and who will teach and inspire and motivate me to be great.

And here you are.

Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for commenting on it. Thank you for following me. Thank you for writing your own blogs that are real. That teach and inspire and make me snort Diet Coke out my nose laughing and unable to read the screen through eyes full of tears. I think the vast majority of you know exactly what it’s like to need to blog as an outlet and tell your stories and write down your thoughts and be validated by other people. So we’ve found one another. Our tribe.  Lets keep blogging, keep reading about each other, keep commenting and validating one another and maybe we can keep each other from going postal or owning too many cats. Maybe we can be great together.

10 responses to “The search for my tribe

  1. The scenarios my mind has made up of you and your life coach interviews is totally movie material. I would just like to say that I’m soooo happy that you had three glasses of wine that night. Not just because I love your drunk stories, but because if you had never decided to make a blog, the blogosphere would be so pitiful. I’m only exaggerating a littttttle bit. Nel and I love you. We talk about you in real life. I hope that’s not creepy.

    From Love – One of these days our love will bring us together in a bacchanalia we’ll never — I mean — we’ll all probably forget. But we have to wait till Nel gives birth. Hopefully its a girl so I an arranged marriage can be, well, arranged with one of my sons. I hope that’s not creepy.

  2. That’s wonderful to read!! I’m pretty sure we’re in the same “tribe”…I’m thinking “xyz” when everybody else is all “pqr”. And the funny thing is that my blog helped me realize it as well. I’m not *that* crazy. Just a little different. And it’s a good thing!

    From Love – People love to tell you that being different is “cool”. Its just that on a daily basis, being different can be agonizing! So glad I found you and your blog!

  3. Oh crap. I read this too late. I already have too many cats! But I still like your stories…you just have to tell me these things sooner dammit. A really good psychic life coach would have told me not to adopt the fifth one, I’m sure…

    From Love – No worries. I have other friends that have too many cats, and they are still totally saveable. You’re right about the psychic thing though. Try as I might, I just did not realize it when you were adopting the fifth one. However, I’m a big fan of adoption – that is how I happened upon my little orphan Annie, so you get a pass. You’re in the tribe.

  4. Love this.

    Have you read Beth Lisick’s new book? You might enjoy it.

    From Love – No, but I Googled her and I’m pretty sure I’m jealous of all the things she is doing. Is she a friend of yours?

  5. You know, ever since I discovered you after writing a post about friendship and WordPress spit out a bunch of recent similar posts and I randomly clicked on one (the one where you talked about stalking your mom crush), I’ve felt we were in the same “tribe”, so to speak. I’d be reading your posts and going, “That’s me! Me… me… and me too.” And when you said you were also a Siebel consultant, I wasn’t even shocked. It just made sense. So, what Enneagram type are you?

    From Love – I’m a 1 with equal 2 and 9 wings. I’m not even sure what that means anymore, but I’m pretty sure it will eventually lead to me being a freakshow. I’ve never had a result that said, “Oh great! you’re like everybody else…”. What are you?

  6. Nicely done. This is definitely very close to why I started a blog so I can understand that feeling of having a tribe.

    Oh, and thanks for popping over to my place. Much appreciated.

    From Love – Thanks and also thank – they never let me down about which blogs to read…

  7. I love that bloggers all seem to share that common thread of feeling somewhat misunderstood in their real lives, or unfulfilled in their connections, or like they don’t match up all the way. I feel that way all the time.

    I’m with you on some of those life coaches. A few of the most bonkers people I know became life coaches. They didn’t get certified or anything, they just call themselves that, or some version of that, and charge people money.

    From Love – Right?! I love that you can just wake up one morning and be like, “I am a life coach!” and its totally legal to counsel people and take money from them. But I do think a good life coach can really be a huge ally when you’re kind of stuck in life.
    Also, thanks for writing your blog – it never fails to be hilarious. Especially when Nana is involved.

  8. tear.

    i adore the realness of it all too!

    From Love – And you are really real. PIctures and real life adventures and all. I appreciate and admire the way you share your life with everyone.

  9. Hells-to-the-yes. You are one of the few blogs out there that I continually read and have panic attacks if I have missed a post. Belle is right. We talk about you in real life like we know you and scheme to meet you in person. And that is weird because Belle and I don’t typically love people who have love affairs with Mr. Obama. 🙂

    Keep up the good work, Love.

    From Love – Thanks, Nel! You know, Palin was on Oprah yesterday and I didn’t hate her. So maybe one day we can all just get along. 🙂

  10. Holy shit, I could have written this post. Well, it wouldn’t have been as flowy or grammatically correct, or as interesting now that I think about it, but SFAM (sista from another mother) I am totally picking up what you are putting down. I have been on the fence re: life coach, maybe I will take the plunge. How should I start?

    From Love – You must enjoy the life coach interviewing journey, first and foremost!! Then, after interviewing several nutjobsyou pick the person/situation that makes you feel the least weirded out. Most of the life coaches I talked to did everything over the phone, but I couldn’t get into that since if I could un-invent the phone I would, and for all I know either they’d be watching Oprah or I would while were supposed to be bonding. I chose a situation where I had a women’s group coaching thing that was all done in person. And at each gathering they have wine. And chocolate. I know, the best, right?!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s