I’m not dead. I’m just bored. And fighting MJ for my son’s soul.

It came to my attention today that there are 3 people in this world who regularly read my blog and those three people are probably worrying themselves sick that I’m dead, or they just can’t find out how to unsubscribe from me on Google Reader. But if it’s the former, you should know I’m not dead.  I’m just kind of tired. Of life AND the Internet. Both are just pretty lame for me right now.

For instance, people stopped using Facebook about three months ago.  The people who used to have updates every day are gone. Or maybe they blocked me.  Or maybe thats just me not knowing how the hell to see statuses since FB just randomly changes stuff around all the time. Where did everybody go? What is the new Facebook so I can sign up quickly and be smug about what a trend-setter I am?

And in the blogging world, it seems like everyone has really slowed down as well. I mean, perhaps everything that can be said, has been said and there isn’t a single new thing to blog about. So if the collective Internet machine is going to take a break, so am I.  I need to be inspired.  By some really great blogging or good stories or Oprah and Ellen on the “O” cover or something. So if you’re reading this and you have a blog – go write something good. Please. The Internet NEEDS YOU right now. So does Love.

My five year old has recently become inspired — by a posthumous Michael Jackson. He begs me to play Smooth Criminal and They Don’t Really Care About Us and Thriller all the time. And that would be fine, except then he insists that I watch him dance.  And that would be fine, except he never stops AND then he wants a critique.  And that isn’t fine, because I have an Internet to surf, albeit a lame one.

Like a good mother, I tell him that he keeps getting better and you know what he tells me? That God whispers in his ear at night about new dance moves that he can “magically” do in the morning. I don’t know how I feel about this. Maybe my kid is schizo. Or maybe even from the grave, Michael Jackson is trying to lure small boys to grab their crotches and do pelvic thrusts so Michael can clap in heaven.  I already have a history of having angels talk to me, so now I’m perturbed that Michael Jackson is my son’s angel and the next thing you know, he is going to want a hyperbaric chamber for Christmas. Or a chimp. Or MacCauley Culkin in sequined pants — none of which is in the budget (although I should check into the  MacCauley thing – at this point in his career he might fit in the budget…).  So needless to say, I have a lot going on these days trying to save my son’s soul from a dead Michael Jackson, but it still isn’t that inspiring and not enough for a whole blog. I guess if it does become enough for an entire post, I’m screwed.
Be well, Internet. I will be back when I find something I’m excited to write about again.

8 responses to “I’m not dead. I’m just bored. And fighting MJ for my son’s soul.

  1. Well he’s in good company — when I was about 8 my friend and I spend a whole day choreographing a dance to the ENTIRE Thriller album, in order. It involved athletic moves jumping over her couch 🙂

    From Love – Wow. The sheer stamina! Did God tell you to do it?

  2. Dude, I just wrote a whole blog post. It has like 3 whole paragraphs. The Internet Lameness is cured!!!

    From Love – I’m so going there. Please take me out of my funk.

  3. Wow, I’m offended. I’ve been blogging regularly myself, inspired by you and your trips down memory lane, actually. I must be chopped liver. Smooth Criminal was always my favorite MJ song. He’s got good taste! And yeah, I hate the new Facebook.

    From Love – I love your blog, so I will get out of my Internet malaise and keep on chugging. Oh, and thanks for validating my deep-seated concerns with Facebook. It sucks, right?

  4. How the frick could you be bored with a five year old doing MJ dances?
    I’m not sure if this means that I think the world revolves around me or what, but what I got out of this post was that you really miss me and Nel. Message received. Going to blog now. 😉

    From Love – Yes! While I’m ecstatic that a baby is coming into the picture, I feel that this child is taking a lot of your attention away from the blog, that is going to resent the baby. You’ll have to find a balance so that the blog doesn’t try to beat up the baby when it gets here. Show her love, and maybe the blog will eat the baby’s face (but in a nice way), just like Nel did to you when you were born.

  5. What about the wild boar hunters? How will I know how to survive them if I ever go to the Australian Outback? I’m assuming you survived…

    From Love – You’ll have to excuse my ADD. I will definitely get back to my edition of “I Can’t Believe I Survived” with the wild boar hunters in the Outback. Until then DO NOT go to the Outback alone, especially if your adventure includes “A night sleeping under the stars”.

  6. I demand to see pictures of Macaulay Culkin in sequined pants. Make it happen.

    From Love – My people are calling his people. And BTW – thanks for making blogs happen everyday this month. Keep it coming.

  7. funny how MJ’s death has introduced him 2 a whole new generation! my hubby & i have always been fans, but now our kiddos request his songs too…none of my kiddos hear God at night tho – that comment by ur boy made me “awwww” out loud!

    From Love – “awww” like, how cute or “awww” like, I feel so bad for you…? 🙂

  8. ~lol~ totally cute!!! ;0)

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