I live to talk a lot about Oprah. You know that already if you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, or had a conversation with me that lasts over 3.4 minutes.
– Speaking of ridiculous things my sister has said, the other day we were discussing her intense love of mustaches when she mentioned how excited she was because it’s almost, “mustache season.” Apparently, mustache season begins after Labor Day ends, in a sort of reverse White Pants Rule kind of way. Or as Becca puts it, “When the white pants go away, the mustaches come out to play.”
I have never felt so completely molested by a sentence in my entire life.
Wowsers! Her sister is fucked up! But I see that the first thing that entered her mind was molestation. I’m not the only one.
Anyway, Oprah always asks people what they know for sure. From my last post I learned a few more things for sure:
- John Mayer is indeed a douche. But we wouldn’t kick him out of bed.
- Michael Jackson is asexual. Except it appears that Nel doesn’t think so and she was x5. However, now I know for sure I don’t want to know what MJ did or didn’t do with small children. Oprah didn’t even weigh in on this in her tribute to Michael Jackson. She is of zero value here.
- If you marry a rock star or pro athlete (except Herschel Walker) you’re ridiculous if you think they aren’t going to screw around on you. Read: buy your famous husband condoms so you don’t get any of that nastiness coming home.
But I will admit to the world today that Oprah wrote down in the November 2008 “O” Magazine all the 20 things she knows for sure and I carry it around with me everywhere. (Stop it. At least I’m being honest).
So today I’ve decided to recreate that list as Love’s Law’s #2 – 21, but know that they are straight from Oprah’s mouth because I don’t want her to sue me because I don’t even have a lawyer. On second thought, if she sues me does that mean I get to see her in court? That might be so worth it.
Love’s Laws #2 -21 – What I believe (and you should too) since Oprah knows it for sure:
- What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what.
- You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your script.
- Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
- When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
- Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
- What you believe has more power that what you dream or hope or wish for. You become what you believe.
- If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough.
- The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
- Failure is the sign post to turn you in another direction.
- If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
- Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn’t lie.
- Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
- Let passion drive your profession.
- Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
- Love doesn’t hurt. It feels really good.
- Every day brings a chance to start over.
- Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
- Doubt means don’t. Don’t move. Don’t answer. Don’t rush forward.
- When you don’t know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
- “Trouble don’t last always” (A line from a Negro spiritual)
I believe in all of this, except for a caveat on #17. I think being skid row prostitute is the hardest job in the world. And after that, being a person who lives with me. And then maybe motherhood.
More Love’s Laws to come, including #22 – People living in Seattle are cool I guess, but unfortunately they are the worst looking population in the continental United States.