I promised myself that my blog wouldn’t be a cesspool of all of my sarcasm and judginess. Hence, this blog is not called Hate Mail To Self.
My issue is that I’m one of these people who is all about trying to find true meaning in life. So I read self-help books. Yes. I am a junkie. I like the books that are all about the Law of Attraction and a bunch of other Laws they make up. But these books are all about positive thinking and attracting what you want and all this stuff. I get all lathered up about it when I’m reading thinking ,”I will never have a bad thought again! Oh crap! I said “bad thought” when I really need to say “I will never not have a positive thought”” because you know, the Universe in its infinite wisdom will bring you whatever you think about, but it doesn’t understand the word “not”. Thats kind of weird. Because my two year old understands “not”, but the Universe doesn’t. So if I keep thinking “I SO do not want wine right now”, I will only attract wine. I SO do not want a glass of wine right now. Ah, I think I’ll let it breathe for a few minutes.
The other books I read are all about being “present”. Of course I had to read “A New Earth” because Oprah said to and that book was all about just don’t think anything really except about whether you can hear birds singing in the trees and focus on that. So I’m not sure whether I”m supposed to think all these good thoughts to attract good things or if I’m supposed to think about nothing so I can just live in the moment. But I’m sorry, most moments in my life are pretty damn boring — they aren’t really moments I want to live in. Not that I don’t want to live in them! Either way, I’m attracting “life” right now – do you see?
The Law of Attraction people have all these caveats. They tell you that everything in your life is directly brought to you because of your thoughts, so then naturally people are like, “I’ve been thinking about making as much money as God FOREVER, and I’m not rich”. And then these guys say, “Well, you really have to believe it”. And then you’re like “I BELIEVE it!” and they’re like “No you don’t. If you did you’d be rich. Like me.” Hm. Oh, and then there is the whole sickness argument. They say that if you get sick, if you get cancer, you actually attracted it to yourself. I thought if you smoked 2 packs a day or went tanning everyday that you attracted cancer.
But I can’t help but be the skeptic when they say stuff like when kids get cancer, it means their parents attracted it through their thoughts. Umm…that is crazy talk. I had cancer as a kid and I’m pretty sure my parents didn’t do it. But you know, I was young, so maybe they did and I just don’t remember. I sure hope they aren’t attracting cancer to me now. I really don’t have the time or the patience to kick its ass again. Besides, I have to save my energy for wading through bogus jobs on TheLadders.
Crap. Maybe just by saying that I’ve now attracted cancer to my kids. I’m the meanest mom ever. I think this glass of wine has done enough breathing. If you’ll excuse me…I have to start my healthy heart wellness program with my glass of shiraz.